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Old March 16th, 2015, 07:49 AM   #1
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Apologies

still early in my study of this area, but I'm impatient to start the discussion.

by "apology" I mean an expression of regret and repentance to someone who has been wronged.

some of my sources are telling me that an apology should always include an explanation and a request for forgiveness. I've got some problems with that.

Most times when people explain in this context what they are really doing is rationalizing, that is justifying what they did that was wrong. eg: I never would have been in such of a hurry backing out of the drive when I hit the mailbox if you hadn't made me late and angry.

as for requesting forgiveness, I don't think that needs to be explicitly stated. everybody likes to be forgiven but it should be totally the option of the injured party. no one deserves forgiveness. it should always be considered a gift. also, requesting forgiveness undermines the motives of the apologizer. Ideally he/she is confessing they did something that was hurtful to the injured party. the motive should be concern for the injury and in injured, not to make the sinner feel better.

In jewish tradition a distinction is made between someone who confesses to God out of fear of damnation, and a person who confesses out of love for God and regret for having brought pain to him.
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Old March 16th, 2015, 07:57 AM   #2
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Making an apology means taking responsibility. Your example:
I never would have been in such of a hurry backing out of the drive when I hit the mailbox if you hadn't made me late and angry.
No one can "make" anyone angry. Being angry is a choice. And forgiveness may be a gift, but it's not optional.
...and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us....
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Old March 16th, 2015, 08:06 AM   #3
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Making an apology means taking responsibility. Your example:
I never would have been in such of a hurry backing out of the drive when I hit the mailbox if you hadn't made me late and angry.
No one can "make" anyone angry. Being angry is a choice. And forgiveness may be a gift, but it's not optional.
...and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us....
it's not optional for the practicing christian, or anyone who takes on a similar philosophy. but this should not be treated as a license to us when we do wrong. it's a subtle difference of emotion and intention perhaps, but a significant one.

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Old March 16th, 2015, 08:08 AM   #4
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taking responsibility, yeah, I'll put that at the top of the list, but there's more to an apology than that.
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Old March 16th, 2015, 08:10 AM   #5
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taking responsibility, yeah, I'll put that at the top of the list, but there's more to an apology than that.
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Old March 16th, 2015, 08:26 AM   #6
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regret that you hurt them

offering restitution where possible

a promise that the wrong will not be repeated
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Old March 16th, 2015, 08:28 AM   #7
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regret that you hurt them

offering restitution where possible

a promise that the wrong will not be repeated
To me, you've defined taking full responsibility.
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Old March 16th, 2015, 08:59 AM   #8
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Are you going into the area of apologizing for things that you didn't do, as seems to be quite the fad currently. Like a 20 yo white citizen apologizing for slavery.

That's one that never made sense to me.
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Old March 16th, 2015, 09:14 AM   #9
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To me, you've defined taking full responsibility.
i have seen people apologize taking responsibility, at least in their own minds, but saying in effect:

yeah, I did it, but I can't help myself, that's just who I am.

I'm getting into detail on the breakdown in an apology because i've seen so many bad ones.
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Old March 16th, 2015, 09:21 AM   #10
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i have seen people apologize taking responsibility, at least in their own minds, but saying in effect:

yeah, I did it, but I can't help myself, that's just who I am.

I'm getting into detail on the breakdown in an apology because i've seen so many bad ones.
"yeah, I did it, but I can't help myself, that's just who I am," is the epitome of not taking responsibility.

You can help yourself, and "Just who I am" is who I choose to be, except in cases of severe physical, mental, or emotional disease.
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