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Old May 24th, 2013, 03:16 AM   #1
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Twenty-One Ways You Might Be an Evangelical

Twenty-One Ways You Might Be an Evangelical | Parchment and Pen

1. If you are asked about the history of the church and you give the history of your local building campaign, you might be an Evangelical.

2. Believe that hell is going to be populated by Catholics (except for Mel Gibson), the Clintons, Mormons (with a special dispensation for Glen Beck), the staff of New York Times (all of them), Rosie Odonnell, all of the people from the East coast and West coast (with a special hot spot for Hollywood), Brian McLaren, and all Liberals, you might be an Evangelical.

3. If you ask someone how their spiritual life is going and you really mean “Have you been doing your morning daily devotionals,” you might be an Evangelical.

4. If your favorite vacation spot is Branson MO, you might be an Evangelical.

5. If you think Kurt Cameron should get the academy award for best actor in Fire Proof, you might be an Evangelical.

6. If you think abstinence education is the most important need for your children, you might be an Evangelical.

7. If you see someone begging for money and you think it is due to their sinful laziness, you might be an Evangelical.

8. If you have ever handed out Left Behind as an evangelistic tract, you might be an Evangelical.

9. If you know what a tract is, you might be an Evangelical.

10. If you choose a church based upon the selection of donuts and coffee (and price), you might be an Evangelical.

11. If you evangelize by saying, “If you were standing before God and he asked you ‘Why should I let you into my heaven?’ what would you say?” you might be an Evangelical.

12. If your church’s weekly events consists of Men’s Lunch Bible Study on Wed, Ladies Beth Moore Study Teus afternoon, Men’s Prayer Breakfast at Chick-fil-a on Monday, Truth Project Friday’s, Potluck Dinner Every other Sunday, Men’s Accountability Group Thursday, The Passion of the Christ Watch Party Every Saturday Evening, and Men’s Every Man’s Battle Study Group Everyday (Morning and Evening), you might be an Evangelical.

13. If you define missions by your yearly trip to Mexico to start a church and leave within three days, you might be an Evangelical.

14. If you think that the John Ryland’s papyri is the earliest fragment of a church bulletin from Pastor John Ryland’s church, you might be an evangelical.

15. If you think homoousios is the emphatic bill for same-sex marriage, you might be an Evangelical.

16. If your support of the church is determined by parking availability, you might be an Evangelical.

17. If your three cardinal sins are fornication, homosexuality, and voting Democrat, you might be an Evangelical.

18. If you have submitted to your wife and feel guilty about it, you might be an Evangelical.

19. If public witness mean a fish on the back of your car and wearing an abstenance ring, you might be an Evangelical.

20. If you limit yourself to one glass of wine or one beer a week and still hide it, you might be an Evangelical.

21. If you don’t really have any idea what “Evangelical” means, you might be an Evangelical.
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