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Old May 13th, 2013, 09:17 AM   #1
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The Art of Politics

Introduction:

Many of you have expressed an intense interest in politics, and its priests, the politicians. Therefore, I have prepared a short manual - a political primer (“Scoundrel’s Handbook”) as it were - on the art of politics, setting forth the basic attributes and precepts as a practical guide for aspiring politicians; which are presented, seriatim, in the terse, epigrammatic style of my former Jesuit tutors at Salamanca. Apply these maxims assiduously, adhere to them religiously, and your success in politics is assured. (You have my personal guarantee!) So to begin . . .
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Old May 13th, 2013, 09:21 AM   #2
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I. A politician must be popular. People like those who they perceive are like themselves. Most people are bigoted, stupid and vulgar; and so to be popular, a politician should eschew all cultural refinement as snobbish and elitist, and make himself a perfect philistine. His should be the hardy handshake and backslapping comradery among the masses; and it would be helpful to be at least proficient in kissing ugly babies.
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Old May 13th, 2013, 03:17 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Mr. Jaggers View Post
I. A politician must be popular. People like those who they perceive are like themselves. Most people are bigoted, stupid and vulgar; and so to be popular, a politician should eschew all cultural refinement as snobbish and elitist, and make himself a perfect philistine. His should be the hardy handshake and backslapping comradery among the masses; and it would be helpful to be at least proficient in kissing ugly babies.
Sad but true. Not to mention that they have to lack the ability to see outside of the box and the courage to make a REAL difference.
They have to talk the talk better than the walk the walk and it helps if they are rich and have made their wealth using others and enough wealth to clean their dirty trail after them, have served in the army and have a "all american family", a charming smile you can paste on at a few seconds notice and hold it, and a few one liners you can throw out when people starts to ask you serious questions.

You also need to learn the art of politically correct insults which are like school boy insults spoken like a lawyer.

But yes as you say snobbish, elitist and stupid is a must.
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Old May 13th, 2013, 03:21 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Mr. Jaggers View Post
I. A politician must be popular. People like those who they perceive are like themselves. Most people are bigoted, stupid and vulgar; and so to be popular, a politician should eschew all cultural refinement as snobbish and elitist, and make himself a perfect philistine. His should be the hardy handshake and backslapping comradery among the masses; and it would be helpful to be at least proficient in kissing ugly babies.
Am I detecting an influence from Mark Twain and Will Rogers?

Well stated, astute, and inarguable.
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Old May 14th, 2013, 04:21 AM   #5
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II. A politician must be flexible in his beliefs. In politics there is a distinction between what is right and what is politically correct, for what the many say is so, will be so, whether it is so or not; and a politician must so adapt.
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Old May 14th, 2013, 04:24 AM   #6
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III. A politician must have a good sense of junket. A politician must be willing to endure the hardships of travel to far-off places, for the game of politics is not just played in the lobbies of Congress, but on the golf courses of the world. A politician should not be hesitant about using corporate jets; and being a member of a fancy yacht club is an absolute must.
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Old May 14th, 2013, 04:28 AM   #7
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IV. A politician must be long-winded. A politician should be able to hold forth on any subject for hours on end and not say anything of substance. The debate and diatribe are his daily fare, the filibuster his forte.
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Old May 14th, 2013, 04:29 AM   #8
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V. A politician must be able to talk out of both sides of his mouth. A politician has to be capable of giving leave to one side while giving lip service to the other and lauding neither. And while all will hear his "Hear, hear!" none will hear his whys and wherefores.
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Old May 14th, 2013, 04:30 AM   #9
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VI. A politician must be wary of the truth. There is nothing more dangerous than the truth, for if the public should know the truth, all of government will succumb to mob rule and anarchy prevail; and so a politician must exercise the greatest care and skill in concealing it. In this, a politician must be able to lie convincingly and consistently well; and be expert at destroying evidence, which, in preserving his office, if not all important, is essential.
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Old May 14th, 2013, 04:34 AM   #10
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VII. A politician must not have scruples about money. To take other’s money inspires confidence in one’s constituency, for a politician who cannot be bribed, cannot be trusted. In the buying and selling of political influence, bribery adds the commercial appeal of being certain of one’s man; and a politician with a head for business will turn a good profit from selling his office many times over for there is nothing more costly than a favor.
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