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Old July 29th, 2015, 08:52 AM   #1
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Post Onion Trump: "Admit It: You People Want To See How Far This Goes, Donít You?"

Note: This is The Onion. SATIRE...
Not really by Trump...


Admit It: You People
Want To See How Far This Goes, Donít You?

by Donald Trump

Quote:
The latest polls are out, and just as I predicted, Iím leading the Republican presidential race by a wide margin. You might be wondering how that could be. After all, itís hardly been a month since I entered the field and Iíve already alienated Americaís largest immigrant population, seen dozens of my high-profile business deals implode one after the other, and publicly insulted a national heroís military service, all while not offering a single viable policy idea. But none of that matters at all, and my candidacy continues to surge forward, because none of youónot a single one of youócan look away. Not even for a second.

Admit it: You people want to see just how far this goes, donít you?

My campaignís just barely begun and Iíve already got you begging for more. Sure, you can say you oppose me or that you donít even take me seriously. But let me ask you: How many articles have you read about Ted Cruz lately? How many news segments have you watched on Bobby Jindal? Or Rand Paul? But if those stories have the name ďDonald TrumpĒ in them, well, look who suddenly canít get enough.

The thing is, Iíve got all of you eating out of my hand and I havenít even released a single campaign commercial yet. Donít look me in the eye and tell me you donít want to stick around and see what that looks like, because you and I both know these ads are going to be absolutely incredible. Iíll be standing there projecting my best presidential air, saying ďIím Donald Trump, and I approve this message,Ē and you wonít be able to take your eyes off it.

You keep obsessing over every little thing I do and say, and I promise youíll get your commercials real soon.

And the TV spots are just the beginning. I know you, and I know what you like. Youíll absolutely eat it up when you see the ďTrump í16Ē T-shirts, the lawn signs, the bumper stickers; in fact, youíll probably get a real kick out of pointing them out to your friends. Now, just imagine me shaking hands with senior citizens at a nursing home in Iowa. Wouldnít you love to watch that? Or hear what comes out of my mouth when I speak to blue-collar workers at a struggling auto factory?

You say that doesnít interest you? Oh, right, because youíre dying to see how Scott Walker behaves in those situations, right? Give me a break.

Just take a moment and imagine the primary debates: Jeb Bush; Chris Christie; me. Of course, theyíll put me in the middle because Iím ahead in the pollsófar ahead at the moment. You already know how I answer even the most basic inquiries, so just picture me staring down the barrel of a question about foreign affairs or agriculture policy or something like that. You think you wonít sit there with bated breath while I try to tackle a question about using military force, or about food stamps, or about how my faith influences my decision-making? I guarantee you that my answers will be worth watching. And we both know you wouldnít miss them for the world. Itíd be the biggest, most-watched primary debate in history, courtesy of all of you.

And might I remind you that the longer this goes on, the closer I get to selecting a running mate. That realization kind of delighted you in a way, didnít it? You absolutely want to know who Iíd pick. A defeated GOP challenger who hates my guts? Another lunatic billionaire? Maybe my own son, Donald Trump Jr.? Whatever your wildest expectation is, I promise you I will surpass it. Youíre not going to pass up an opportunity to see that, are you?

I can tell youíre practically salivating right now. And Iím going to keep riding this fascination, this little fixation you have with me as far as youíll take me. You know I will.

So donít try to tell me youíd be just as happy to watch one of these other bozos go toe-to-toe with Hillary Clinton or give a soaring speech at the national convention. And donít delude yourself into thinking itís everyone else who wants to watch me do this and youíre somehow above it. You want to see it. You want more. You hear ďTrumpĒ and your attention snaps to the TV screen right away.

Donít think itís true? Fine. You know what you have to do to make me go away. Just quit paying attention. Stop reading this right now.

Thatís right, I didnít think so. I have the power to make the next 16 months one of the most incredible times in our nationís history, and not a single one of you can say youíre not at least a little bit curious to see how this wild ride shakes out. So just keep clicking every link that mentions my name and hitting play on every clip of my public appearances, and I promise you will not be disappointed.

Now, excuse me, but I have to go appear at a New Hampshire town hall and make a statement that every last one of you will be eagerly reading about and discussing in just a few hoursí time.
Admit It: You People Want To See How Far This Goes, Don?t You? - The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Damn "The Onion" ...
Reminds me of Poe's Law.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law
Poe's law is an Internet adage which states that, without a clear indicator of the author's intent, parodies of extreme views will be indistinguishable to some readers, from sincere expressions of the parodied views.[1][2][3]
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Old July 29th, 2015, 11:27 AM   #2
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even though this is satire I've had the feeling since the Donald announced he was running that this was just a narcissistic stunt for attention. I don't think he really wants to be president or that he thinks he can really win. it's just a big game to him.
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Old July 29th, 2015, 11:43 AM   #3
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Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbear View Post
even though this is satire I've had the feeling since the Donald announced he was running that this was just a narcissistic stunt for attention. I don't think he really wants to be president or that he thinks he can really win. it's just a big game to him.
He's had talk of running third party if the Republicans shut him out.

I've heard theories that this whole effort on his part is a power grab and if he's promised some political clout he may back down...

I personally think it's the narcissist angle you discussed though. I don't think he has any real interest in federal level political clout.
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Old July 29th, 2015, 11:46 AM   #4
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The very first day of his announcement I said it was a publicity stunt to promote some new TV show he was involved in. But I now fear I was wrong and the narcissist actually is serious.
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Old August 1st, 2015, 10:37 PM   #5
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Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau

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Old August 1st, 2015, 10:44 PM   #6
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I hope he wins!
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 07:08 AM   #7
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...What's the point in having an election this cycle...Lets save a lot of money and just swear in the democratic nominee...
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 07:59 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kbear View Post
even though this is satire I've had the feeling since the Donald announced he was running that this was just a narcissistic stunt for attention. I don't think he really wants to be president or that he thinks he can really win. it's just a big game to him.
Hey the kbear,

WHY do people call him 'the' Donald?

Signed,

the Catus


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Old August 2nd, 2015, 08:01 AM   #9
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It's the way his first wife, Ivanna, addressed him, and it caught on.
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Old August 2nd, 2015, 08:45 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by tristanrobin View Post
It's the way his first wife, Ivanna, addressed him, and it caught on.
Ok.

It strikes me as a tad egotistical and silly. Rather like referring to yourself in the third person.

I wonder if that's what she had in mind?
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