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Old February 16th, 2018, 08:30 AM   #51
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We need to educate the men and I will support that argument. Some husbands ruin the chances of ever having a good sex life because they forced themselves on their wives at the wrong time. I rather not be married, than live with that.

Women are hormonally different from men and human females have cycles when they are more interested in sex than others. Women tend to be more attracted to aggressive and wilder males when they ovulate and then more attracted to the domesticated male the rest of the month. Unfortunately, this can lead to them having affairs. If men were sensitive to these cycles they would perceive less rejection because it is about her hormones, not him. Or it is about him being insensitive with the result of her becoming frigid. Too often males underrate the importance of romance and being caring. While a woman can underrate the importance of her figure and how she presents herself. I am talking nature here.

There are variations between people, some wanting to be more sexually active than others. It is not uncommon for the male to want sex much more than the female when they are young. The woman's sexual interest may increase when the male's interest is decreasing around mid-life. And now it is the male most apt to be less pleased with the marriage because his lower hormonal level means he needs more stimulation to get it up, and a younger less familiar female is more stimulating. We call this mid-life crisis.

Perhaps through science, we can be more reasonable and more practical. I think too much drama over an unfaithful mate might be going against nature and it is not good for the family, or unfaithfulness can be a serious warning requiring action. Perhaps counseling? I remember a time when I was glad my husband was interested in another woman and I would have been fine with moving her into our home.

Later I tried living with two younger men. That was interesting. It is a wonderful memory, but also a situation that could not last.
Amen to all of that.

My friend who was married to the sexual addict...........she's now single and hasn't had sex in the past 10 years. Her experience with him ruined the entire process for her.

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Old February 16th, 2018, 08:33 AM   #52
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Have you watched the movie, Harold and Maude? Ruth Gordon is an older woman who was perfectly comfortable with her sexuality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HrBG4yHC0Q
Nope. But I'll put it on my list.
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Old February 16th, 2018, 08:53 AM   #53
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It is. But that doesn't mean that there aren't ways to get around the problem. Seduction might do some good.


BUT.......


From conversations I've had with more than a few women, most women who declare...."I'm done with sex" do so because they haven't been enjoying it for quite some time. They've basically been 'doing it' just to keep the peace in the relationship. Once those hormones are gone, and sexual needs along with them, they decide that they've been satisfying his needs for long enough and it's time to put their needs, or lack of them, first.
Oh yeah, as a younger woman can perk a man up, so too can a younger man perk a woman up. I probably shouldn't carry on about this, but seriously when people take each other for granted that kills the fire. When the fire is dead and he is using viagra, that is the pits. There is another really good movie about this, but I forget the name of it. The couple see a counselor to work through the problem, and the husband learns to do all the right things and spends a lot on a wonderful getaway, but it takes him a long time to get it isn't just about the place and things. It is about him having the spark of romance.

Oh, oh, and the movie Daun Juan with Johnny Deep! That movie is hot! An old psychiatrist learns from Daun Juan how to feel the passion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AteQZ7q6rtA

The movie Still Mine is a wonderful love story of a man's fight to care for his wife with Alzhiemer's disease.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lprJUgwNWwo

Oh shit, if only more men understood love, life would be much better.
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Old February 16th, 2018, 08:55 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by catus felis View Post
It is. But that doesn't mean that there aren't ways to get around the problem. Seduction might do some good.


BUT.......


From conversations I've had with more than a few women, most women who declare...."I'm done with sex" do so because they haven't been enjoying it for quite some time. They've basically been 'doing it' just to keep the peace in the relationship. Once those hormones are gone, and sexual needs along with them, they decide that they've been satisfying his needs for long enough and it's time to put their needs, or lack of them, first.
Then it is a problem that is both psychotically/emotional and physical in nature. I stated some time ago that therapy should also be done along with hormone or other drug treatments.

It goes back to the VALUE placed on something. Why would not women IMMEDIATELY do something about it as soon as they stop really enjoying sex with their husband? You imply that the problem has been going on "long enough" before they announce hubby is being "cut off." I can guarantee you the vast majority of men will start trying to do something about the problem the minute it rears it's ugly head.

I propose, AS A THEORY, that the less sex is needed to obtain for SOME women her social/financial/emotional & maternal needs/desires the less she values it.
Whereas men value sex just for itself, the experience.

MAYBE Mother Nature is just a mean bitch. Back before antibiotics and modern medicine one of the most dangerous things a woman could do was give birth. BUT, it was necessary to continue the species and sex was necessary to get pregnant. Once a woman has gone through menopause she can no longer have children so sex is no longer necessary so much of the natural DESIRE goes away to one extent or another.
Curiously enough many men can produce enough live sperm to produce children well into old age, even their 80's or older. So their desire for sex does not go away completely, or at least as drastically. Mother nature did not make impregnating a woman a life threatening event like is was for a woman to give birth.

The human being and nature is a fascinating and complex creation. Sexuality is just one of the many fascinating and complex subjects.

Last edited by Hollywood; February 16th, 2018 at 08:56 AM. Reason: typo
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Old February 16th, 2018, 09:11 AM   #55
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Why ?
Watch the movies I mentioned in post #53. Feeling the urge for sex, is far different from understanding the passion that turns a woman on. Far too men think sex is all about them and they do it as though the woman they are doing it with might as well be a pump for his pleasure, except she is supposed to give him back reassurance that he is the cause of her ecstasy. What in blazes do men think they have that makes them so desirable that just being f--- by them is suppose to put her in a state of ecstasy? Sorry guys, but as you need to feel like the most desirable man on earth, she needs to feel like the most desirable woman on earth. If she is thinking about a vacation they are planning, to distract herself from the unpleasantness of what he is doing to her body for his own pleasure, it is not a good experience for her. Watch the movie.

The Johnny Depp movie Don Juan does an excellent job of explaining.
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Last edited by Athena; February 16th, 2018 at 09:13 AM.
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Old February 16th, 2018, 09:38 AM   #56
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Then it is a problem that is both psychotically/emotional and physical in nature. I stated some time ago that therapy should also be done along with hormone or other drug treatments.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZypEGC2iD4 Why would not women IMMEDIATELY do something about it as soon as they stop really enjoying sex with their husband? You imply that the problem has been going on "long enough" before they announce hubby is being "cut off." I can guarantee you the vast majority of men will start trying to do something about the problem the minute it rears it's ugly head.

I propose, AS A THEORY, that the less sex is needed to obtain for SOME women her social/financial/emotional & maternal needs/desires the less she values it.
Whereas men value sex just for itself, the experience.

MAYBE Mother Nature is just a mean bitch. Back before antibiotics and modern medicine one of the most dangerous things a woman could do was give birth. BUT, it was necessary to continue the species and sex was necessary to get pregnant. Once a woman has gone through menopause she can no longer have children so sex is no longer necessary so much of the natural DESIRE goes away to one extent or another.
Curiously enough many men can produce enough live sperm to produce children well into old age, even their 80's or older. So their desire for sex does not go away completely, or at least as drastically. Mother nature did not make impregnating a woman a life threatening event like is was for a woman to give birth.

The human being and nature is a fascinating and complex creation. Sexuality is just one of the many fascinating and complex subjects.
You are so male. How many times have you been married? Did you attempt counseling before the relationships ended? Like how valuable were those relationships to you and how hard did you try to save them?

Why would a charming, attractive man who has women throwing themselves at him all the time, ever suspect the problem in the relationship is him? Obviously, if he must engage in counseling with his wife, it is to convince her she is the problem, and if this is not the result of counseling, then it is obvious counseling does not work.

Are you familiar with Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus? This is a general explanation of why men and women have problems relating to each other. This is the problem that is underlying the sex problem. A book about many positions for sex will not resolve the problem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZypEGC2iD4

Last edited by Athena; February 16th, 2018 at 09:48 AM.
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Old February 16th, 2018, 10:09 AM   #57
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A little off topic, but our niece was married to a dentist (with his own practice) who had an affair with his receptionist. When the affair became public, our niece divorced the jerk and took him to the cleaners. After Lisa had cooled off we were having a conversation one day and she said, "Men are so easy and so stupid. It's like they have TWO heads and they THINK with the small one."

LOVE IT!
How about ending the denial of human nature and having unrealistic expectations of each other? What is a family worth? I think if our focus is on family, many decisions might be different.

That would begin with choosing a receptionist who is not attractive and inviting trouble. That better choice will not happen when people are denying nature and instead labeling men as jerks.

And the family question. Everyone is hurt when there is a divorce, the children, and the grandparents as well as the man and woman. Is divorce the only way to handle a man or a woman having an affair because of hormones and circumstances? We are human and both sexes can make bad decisions, and how much do we value family and everyone involved if divorce is the first choice in dealing with our humanness?
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Old February 16th, 2018, 10:20 AM   #58
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You are so male. How many times have you been married? Did you attempt counseling before the relationships ended? Like how valuable were those relationships to you and how hard did you try to save them?

Why would a charming, attractive man who has women throwing themselves at him all the time, ever suspect the problem in the relationship is him? Obviously, if he must engage in counseling with his wife, it is to convince her she is the problem, and if this is not the result of counseling, then it is obvious counseling does not work.

Are you familiar with Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus? This is a general explanation of why men and women have problems relating to each other. This is the problem that is underlying the sex problem. A book about many positions for sex will not resolve the problem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZypEGC2iD4
Well of course I am. i AM a male. You are so female. I attribute that to the fact that you are a female.
I have been married three times. Of course counseling was attempted to resolve the differences. One of my marriages ended over religious differences, she thought she was God and I disagreed. That's a joke, lighten up a bit.
Interesting. You ask how hard I tried but did NOT ask how hard SHE tried. You ask how valuable was the relationship to me, but you do not ask how valued it was to her.
You assume that "if he must engage in counseling with his wife, it is to convince her she is the problem.." How uninformed, judgmental and arrogant of you.

Of course I've read the book, it has been around for decades. A later book about male/female communication styles/difference was called, I think, He Said, She Said" and it did, I believe, an ever better job of describing the differences.
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Old February 16th, 2018, 10:25 AM   #59
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How about ending the denial of human nature and having unrealistic expectations of each other? What is a family worth? I think if our focus is on family, many decisions might be different.

That would begin with choosing a receptionist who is not attractive and inviting trouble. That better choice will not happen when people are denying nature and instead labeling men as jerks.

And the family question. Everyone is hurt when there is a divorce, the children, and the grandparents as well as the man and woman. Is divorce the only way to handle a man or a woman having an affair because of hormones and circumstances? We are human and both sexes can make bad decisions, and how much do we value family and everyone involved if divorce is the first choice in dealing with our humanness?
I'm sorry, but did you just suggest that attractive women should not be employed where married men work and might be tempted? Did I somehow misunderstand what you posted?
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Old February 16th, 2018, 10:49 AM   #60
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Have you watched the movie, Harold and Maude? Ruth Gordon is an older woman who was perfectly comfortable with her sexuality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HrBG4yHC0Q
Watching that again tonight!!!!!!!


Thanks for the reminder
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