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Old May 15th, 2018, 09:08 AM   #1
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The Slow Death of Apologies

Why don't we admit when we are wrong? AND why are apologies becoming an endangered species?
I recently read a rather old article published (Jeff Jacoby) in the Boston Globe and it hit home.
Nobody likes to apologize, particularly when the world is watching. For many of us, the first instinct when our wrongdoing is exposed is to rationalize our offense, minimize the harm we caused, or put the blame somewhere else. Celebrities, politicians, and business moguls are especially notorious for non-apology apologies.
I think this is a topic worth investigating since thereís a lot of talk right now about whether President Trump should admit when he's wrong and when he lies. Trump is not the first person in power to be in this situation. Iím sure you also see this play out all the time. Itís frustrating to see our leaders play these types of avoidance games. They cause us to lose faith, with the result being that we learn not to trust them. Many voters certainly do NOT trust Donald Trump, the KING of LIES, exaggeration, and hyperbole.

So, why do we avoid admitting our mistakes? I'm just as guilty as the next guy.
Our knee-jerk reaction when caught is to avoid taking responsibility by:

1. Blaming someone else,

2. Getting defensive, or

3. Rationalizing a wrongdoing with some sort of storyline we create.

Unfortunately, there are those among us who have gotten into a habit of doing one or all three Ė consistently. Whatís up with that? There's also the un-apology APOLOGY. You know the one. There's usually a .."BUT" in the apology and it doesn't ring sincere.
Apologies need a big comeback if we the people want a united country. We need to grow up and find a little maturity because THAT'S the missing link.
Maturity means owning up to a mistake, admitting we DID IT/SAID IT and saying something like: You were right. I was wrong and Iím truly sorry for what Iíve done. Truly sorry.

It's not really that hard--humbling, yes. Embarrassing--probably. But the bottom line, we all need to learn to admit when we are wrong and to take responsibility appropriately. This goes double for those in leadership roles.
CAN you hear me now, Donald J. Trump?? Congress?



https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry...b0e6062d923109
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Old May 15th, 2018, 09:31 AM   #2
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An apology is seen by the many perhaps the most as an expression of weakness.

Few say "You're welcome" any longer as it too seems to be a response from weakness, of indebtedness.

But the article explores Fantasyland suggesting DJT's potential use of apology.

He would have to make a mistake, an error, inflict an unintentional would to apologize. He doesn't do that, according to him.
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Old May 15th, 2018, 09:42 AM   #3
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Why Trump's White House never says sorry

I guess the Republican President is a Gibbs fan.

Quote:
Usually when people say stupid or cruel things, they apologize and move on, instead of defiantly standing by their statements. But that doesn't happen in Trumpworld, and it certainly hasn't happened in the case of White House staffer Kelly Sadler's callous remark about John McCain.

The big picture: Once youíve worked for Trump for a while you know that the worst thing you can do, the biggest show of weakness, is to apologize. He never does and never did (with one exception ó the "Access Hollywood" tape). So staff knows that if they publicly apologize theyíre actually MORE likely to incur Trumpís wrath than if they just move on.
https://www.axios.com/trump-white-ho...d1f30fbc0.html
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Old May 15th, 2018, 09:52 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clara007 View Post
Why don't we admit when we are wrong? AND why are apologies becoming an endangered species?
I recently read a rather old article published (Jeff Jacoby) in the Boston Globe and it hit home.
Nobody likes to apologize, particularly when the world is watching. For many of us, the first instinct when our wrongdoing is exposed is to rationalize our offense, minimize the harm we caused, or put the blame somewhere else. Celebrities, politicians, and business moguls are especially notorious for non-apology apologies.
I think this is a topic worth investigating since thereís a lot of talk right now about whether President Trump should admit when he's wrong and when he lies. Trump is not the first person in power to be in this situation. Iím sure you also see this play out all the time. Itís frustrating to see our leaders play these types of avoidance games. They cause us to lose faith, with the result being that we learn not to trust them. Many voters certainly do NOT trust Donald Trump, the KING of LIES, exaggeration, and hyperbole.

So, why do we avoid admitting our mistakes? I'm just as guilty as the next guy.
Our knee-jerk reaction when caught is to avoid taking responsibility by:

1. Blaming someone else,

2. Getting defensive, or

3. Rationalizing a wrongdoing with some sort of storyline we create.

Unfortunately, there are those among us who have gotten into a habit of doing one or all three Ė consistently. Whatís up with that? There's also the un-apology APOLOGY. You know the one. There's usually a .."BUT" in the apology and it doesn't ring sincere.
Apologies need a big comeback if we the people want a united country. We need to grow up and find a little maturity because THAT'S the missing link.
Maturity means owning up to a mistake, admitting we DID IT/SAID IT and saying something like: You were right. I was wrong and Iím truly sorry for what Iíve done. Truly sorry.

It's not really that hard--humbling, yes. Embarrassing--probably. But the bottom line, we all need to learn to admit when we are wrong and to take responsibility appropriately. This goes double for those in leadership roles.
CAN you hear me now, Donald J. Trump?? Congress?



https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry...b0e6062d923109
I accidently stepped on a black woman's toes at work and gave an extreme apology and gave her a hug. Civility comes natural to me and an apology is being civil. I should not have hugged her because that scared her but I was in deep regret. I had to get close to talk to her because the area was full of loud machinery noise but she was processing supervisor and I the one and only electrician.
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Old May 15th, 2018, 10:17 AM   #5
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I have no issue with saying I am sorry, when I am wrong.
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Old May 15th, 2018, 10:19 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imaginethat View Post
An apology is seen by the many perhaps the most as an expression of weakness.

Few say "You're welcome" any longer as it too seems to be a response from weakness, of indebtedness.

But the article explores Fantasyland suggesting DJT's potential use of apology.

He would have to make a mistake, an error, inflict an unintentional would to apologize. He doesn't do that, according to him.


Yes. I get that, IT, but I think it's a sign of strength and an admission of fault.

It takes a very secure, confident, mature and honest person to admit a mistake. I have no respect for someone who can't take the heat--who can't admit a mistake or humble themselves to apologize...and there's a certain satisfaction that comes from knowing you DID the right thing. I think it's inspiring and certainly sets a great example for others.

Besides, we all need to "take a hit" sometimes. Accepting responsibility for our actions builds character. It shows respect for the other person.
I'm not a member of AA, but I've been told by members that at least ONE of the 12 Step program is apologies. The idea is to restore in a direct way that which has been broken or damaged—or to make restoration in a symbolic way if we can't do it directly.
Makes sense to me.
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Old May 15th, 2018, 10:48 AM   #7
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Maybe I'm being OVERLY sensitive, but I just read this and think that Trump should be apologizing to his wife.

First Lady Melania Trump underwent kidney surgery at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on Monday in a procedure that is expected to keep her hospitalized for the rest of the week. But instead of accompanying his wife to the hospital on Monday, President Trump hung back at the White House, where, according to his schedule, he received intelligence and press briefings... and had lunch with Vice President Mike Pence in a private dining room. Just after 5 p.m. on Monday, Trump did tweet that he was headed to Walter Reed to visit the First Lady, declaring her procedure "successful," saying she was in good spirits and thanking well-wishers.

I have had 3 surgeries in my life and Mr. Clara was there, holding my hand and assuring me that everything would be fine. What husband doesn't GO to the hospital with his wife??
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Old May 15th, 2018, 10:50 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Braveheart View Post
I have no issue with saying I am sorry, when I am wrong.
I never say I'm sorry. I lived in Georgia for 25 years and down there sorry means tard.
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Old May 15th, 2018, 12:43 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twisted Sister View Post
I accidently stepped on a black woman's toes at work and gave an extreme apology and gave her a hug. Civility comes natural to me and an apology is being civil. I should not have hugged her because that scared her but I was in deep regret. I had to get close to talk to her because the area was full of loud machinery noise but she was processing supervisor and I the one and only electrician.
Do you apologize for stepping on the toes of white woman?
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Old May 15th, 2018, 12:46 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clara007 View Post
Yes. I get that, IT, but I think it's a sign of strength and an admission of fault.

It takes a very secure, confident, mature and honest person to admit a mistake. I have no respect for someone who can't take the heat--who can't admit a mistake or humble themselves to apologize...and there's a certain satisfaction that comes from knowing you DID the right thing. I think it's inspiring and certainly sets a great example for others.

Besides, we all need to "take a hit" sometimes. Accepting responsibility for our actions builds character. It shows respect for the other person.
I'm not a member of AA, but I've been told by members that at least ONE of the 12 Step program is apologies. The idea is to restore in a direct way that which has been broken or damagedóor to make restoration in a symbolic way if we can't do it directly.
Makes sense to me.
Oh, don't mistake me. I agree. In fact, when two people both are wrong, the bigger person takes the initiative and apologizes first, and without expectation of a return apology.

Maybe I was unclear....
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