Best Political Jokes

Panther

Forum Staff
Jul 2013
5,732
3,257
North Texas
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane. The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Australian history, so Australia's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane. The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped. The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left for you. Australia's smartest woman took my schoolbag."
 
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Reactions: Ringo Stalin
May 2018
4,822
3,884
USA
George Bush was sitting in the Oval Office watching the nightly news of his Iraq invasion when he heard the news commentator report "and 3 Brazilian troops were killed today".

Bush got a panicked look in his eyes, turned to Karl Rove and asked "How many is in a Brazillion"?
 
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Reactions: se7en
May 2018
4,822
3,884
USA
People say Trump is a Putin puppet, a Manchurian candidate, but Trump is so stupid that his subconscious has probably forgotten the trigger phrase.
 
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Reactions: se7en
Sep 2019
506
142
Marietta GA USA - Russia
Once the US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger was asked:
- What is shuttle diplomacy?
Kissinger replied:
- Oh! This is a universal Jewish method! I will explain with an example. Suppose you want to marry Rockefeller's daughter to a simple guy from a Russian village by shuttle diplomacy.
- How?
- Very simple. I’m going to a Russian village, I find a simple guy there and ask:
- Do you want to marry an American Jewess?
He telling me:
- What for?! I have enough russian girls here.
I telling him:
- Yes. But she is the daughter of a billionaire!
He:
- Oh! It' different matter!
Then I go to Switzerland for a meeting of the bank’s board and ask:
- Do you want to have a Siberian peasant as a president?
“Phew,” they say to me at the bank.
- And if he, at the same time, will be Rockefeller’s son-in-law?
- Oh! This, of course, changes things!
Then I go home to Rockefeller and ask:
- Want to have a son in law Russian peasant?
He teling me:
- What are you saying, everybody in our family is financiers!
I telling him:
- And he, is the president of the board of the Swiss bank!
He:
- Oh! It changes things! Susie! Come here. Mr. Kissinger has found you a groom. He is the president of a Swiss bank!
Susie:
- Fie ... All these financiers are deadbodies!
And I telling her:
- Yes! But this one is a hefty Siberian man!
She:
- Oh! This changes things!