Here is our handy guide to leaving the devious social media platform:
Instead of endlessly browsing your friend’s pictures, enjoy the candid thrill of peering into their windows at night.
Wear a t-shirt that tells everyone how much you raised for charity and a badge that says ‘Tell me you like me’.
Strap your cutest child to your back and take them to work to staple documents and answer your phone. That real life cuteness will beat any post of them on a donkey.
When a friend tells you something annoying that everyone one already knows is annoying, make a face like an angry toddler and stamp the ground.
Attach a public address system to your car so you can broadcast to everyone passing that your are SO PROUD OF YOUR MUM.
Go to a party and when a friend tells you about their problems just say ‘this is not worthy of my validation’ and walk away.