Spanking

Dec 2013
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Everything is going to be OK
For real, folks are getting married all teh time... every few years


Correct!




Spanking is a consequence and offering different consequences between siblings is a recipe for disaster.
Spanking is never advisable.



One set of expectations and consequences is generally best.





I would not want a kid I beat when they were a helpless child to have life and death power over me either! lol

Those quotes are attributed to me.

Not mine
 
Dec 2016
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To be VERY clear. The consequence should be representative of real life. How life outside the protective family shell is. That protective family shell should always be the for the child. Acceptance and love.

So a consequence should mimic real life (outside of family nucleolus) so cause and effect is learned.

Example:

You skip school. The school then suspends you from after school activities.

so,

You sneak out of the house. You lose the right to go to play soccer that week.

Get it?

Now you are learning consequences which are easily understood as representative of how the real world works.

and, you have none of that physical abuse which teaches "might is right." You avoid the damage physical abuse does.
Let's not forget, when we teach might is right we are encouraging the birth of activities to avoid the physical abuse. That is, lying and deception.
When you take away an enjoyable activity, we try to reclaim that enjoyable activity. A mush more positive adaptation we are unearthing.

BTW, if your kid is regularly acting out and challenging you and authority you failed when they were young. It;'s not that "some kids are incorrigible." 9 out of ten times (way more actually) you taught them to be incorrigible when they were young through poor parenting decisions.
About that last one: many kids who would be considered "incorrigible" in days gone by, and are now classified as hyperactive or HDAD, have had incidents occur...even very, very early in life that set them on that course.
Example: when close friends of ours had their first...about 30 years ago now, he started out as an extremely colicky baby who wouldn't settle and wouldn't sleep, but their inept doctor maintained that the baby would 'get over it,' and they should just put him in the crib and let him tire himself out crying. At about six months and many sleepless nights, and no answers, a specialist suspected an intestinal tract blockage and their baby had an operation and then things were relatively normal afterwards,
Except that he grew up with a short attention span, and had trouble sitting still for any length of time and listening to people without interrupting. Over the years, he's grown out of that...more or less, but I think of that example of one where the 'perfect parents' might have been told to just 'beat it out of him' if he didn't listen in days gone by, or been pumped up with ritalin in the modern era.
Not that ritalin is a No Go! But, even in their case when they felt that their first boy should be put on ritalin, the medical and school authorities were leaning towards over-prescribing the drug....doses so high that he would fall asleep in the daytime and wanted him to keep taking it months and years after they decided that he could get along without it.
 
Dec 2016
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For instance, my nephew is a very rambunctious 13 year old. My sister in law put him on ritalin at a very early age. This kid loves cars and can tell you the history of every motor company worldwide. He's extremely intelligent, but gets bad grades. His energy is palpable.

He came to see me play hockey at Nationwide Arena in Columbus before a Blackhawks/Blue jackets game and I swear I could hear this kid cheering for me. He loved every minute. I suggested to my sister in law to get him involved in sports. She did for a minute and let him do karate, which he loved. Well, he sprained a finger and mom freaked out. That was it for karate. I'm not even kidding.

I asked him, "Hey, why aren't you doing karate anymore?" "Mom says it's a bad idea." "Well, do you want to stop competing?" He says, "No, but mom says I can't do it anymore cuz she's afraid I might get hurt."

Jesus Christ. Seriously? You're doing that to a kid? Guess what mom? If you let your kid do what he loves, he won't need drugs to control his behavior!

My reaction as the good gay uncle I am, has been to encourage his other passions like cars. I have an Audi, which just freaks him the hell out with joy. He crawls all over it and gets under the hood and says, "The Germans make the best cars. Thanks for letting me in your car uncle Lee." And then he proceeds to tell me everything about my car down to the last detail. I have no idea what he's talking about half the time. But he's so happy to be there. I just say, "Hey, tear it apart and rebuild it if you want, just make sure it still works, or we'll have issues".

My point is this- we have the OP who prefers emotional abuse and suppression of passion to ya know what? One second of a swat to the butt to bring a kid in line.

But yet, I still have to watch him put on ritalin and judged a failure by his own mom. I'm not his parent. Sometimes I wish I was. I feel like I'm watching this brilliant kid be castrated and denied an even more brilliant future. And it fucking breaks my heart. All just because people are afraid kids might get hurt. Modern parenting is not always necessarily good.

Even if I was still a kid, I would have loved a parent who encouraged my passions and loves and spanked me when I got out of line. That's a no brainer when I was 6 or 7 years old. It's a lot better than behavioral drugs or trying to make a kid the way you want them to be by emotionally abusing them.
I agree that there is overprescribing of mood-altering drugs to kids, BUT as I said in another post- there are situations where it is necessary and the kid may have been institutionalized in the distant past! Still, the friends of ours who had their eldest son on ritalin for at least a few years were subject to criticism and questioning from know-it-alls who decided they were either inept or unbalanced in some way, and no child under any circumstances should be given the drug.

The instant assumption by most is that corporal punishment (or beating) would work better....or that it would work at all! If the kid was not abnormally aggressive in his acting out, what makes people think that physical abuse is better than drug therapy? No doubt it's an overly prescribed solution in our overly medicated culture, but, just as schizophrenics usually require anti-psychotics to re-normalize their thinking...and did not benefit from beatings and isolation..applied as 'therapy' decades ago, there are some situations where...like it or not, some form of drug therapy is going to be necessary for a child.

The only thing children learn from beatings is to stop questioning authority! And that's why conservatives love all forms of corporal punishment so much (even advocate it for adult women), while anyone who's liberal to left, and wants people to keep thinking and working towards a better world, should never want a culture of drones that just repeat and follow orders drummed into their heads!
 
Dec 2016
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People are learning the economic and social consequences of divorce which makes it a less desirable. ;)
I've been married for over 30 years, but I don't see the trend towards keeping marriages together out of economic necessity as a good thing! That just means there are more married people who hate each other and raise children in a tense and often toxic environment.
 
Dec 2016
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1 Columbine and Parkland no full automatic weapons were used.
And what about other mass murders like Las Vegas? When you have mass shootings every two or three days, only a lunatic wants assault rifles that can be made fully automatic again when desired!
2. I have owned firearms since I was 13 years old I have never ever seen a firearm jump off a table and shoot a bunch of people
I was taught how to use a hunting rifle well before I turned 13, but what has that got to do with anything? Nobody says guns jump off tables and shoot, so don't be a moron! The point is that as a society becomes increasingly dysfunctional...more violent, more unequal( yes, inequality can also be cross-referenced with murder rates), and quality of life stats go down the crapper etc., the availability of lethal weapons makes the difference in the body count!
Last I read, here in Canada we still have a higher percentage of owners of long guns/but have a much smaller rate of shooting crimes, in spite of surge in illegally trafficked( mostly US-made) guns coming across our border! The reason is that....although we are suffering from the same symptoms of wanton, unregulated capitalism as the US, now that we have free-traded our way into all this global markets bullshit, we still aren't as far down the road of decay as America....yet....but we're getting there!

3. I have seen many times that people that lack discipline shoot a lot of people
So, you diagnosed their condition as "a lack of discipline" yet feel they should have that 2nd amendment right to be running around with firearms?

4. the most common connection to murders is Drugs, not Firearms, Knives, Guns, Bats Barehands

in fact MORE PEOPLE are murdered with people using their bare hands (about 3 times as many) than are killed by people using Assault rifles.

~250 people per year are murdered with (All types of rifles not all are assault) but 7-800 are murdered every year where the weapons were empty hands.

1500 are murdered every year with knives
Is there a reason why you didn't post a link to prove your counter-intuitive claim? Is this why:
https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/htus8008.pdf#page=27
Take a look at fig.42! Handguns...just pistols alone count for far more homicides than any other weapon...Including other types of guns(the segmented line on the bottom) like rifles and shotguns!
It should be a no-brainer! You get someone in a fit of rage...out for revenge for any given reason, if they have to use their fists....well, first of all they have to know how to use their fists and be physically able to do it, or use a knife, that's going to take more effort and require them to be willing to go further on the dark side than the jerkoff who just pulls out a gun and fires!
YOU LOSE.
NO, you lose! Your mind is warped and up is down and down is up in your world where evil is good, and good is evil!
 
Likes: Lyzza
Dec 2015
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Arizona
I misrepresented nothing. Go counsel someone else.

AND THERE IT IS! The arrogance of some people! Those who think they are the "KNOW ALL and END ALL" of how to do things the "RIGHT" way.
Know-it-alls are those irritating people who act as if they are experts on every topic — even when evidence and behaviors prove otherwise.
They demonstrate their self-ascribed superiority in a wide variety of ways, including dominating conversations, offering unwanted advice, being argumentative and bossing people around. They can also be condescending and engage in pointless debates.

We get this from the cult every day because THEIR way is the only way to live. We get it from the Evangelicals because their way is the only way to express their faith. We get it from the gun worshippers because THEIR way is the only way to be safe. We get it from the constitutionalists because THEIR way is the only way to view that document. We get it from the climate-deniers, the so-called patriots, the devotees of the 1%, the anti-health care for all idiots, the party of family values (what a joke), the party of fiscal responsibility (what a joke) and NOW from a guy who thinks he has cornered the market on child-rearing.

Frustration! Why can't people just live and let live? There are so many approaches to life, to love, to raising children, to living a good life......but OH NO! They must "counsel" us because they know best.
This is one of the things that bugs me most of Donald J Trump---his lack of humility---his self-importance--his egotism.
No one has all the answers.